


until you're gone

by Ovidila



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Multi, not really sure what else to tag this ;;
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8835427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ovidila/pseuds/Ovidila
Summary: The light felt hot against his skin and the metal digging into his wrists felt even worse. He couldn't see much, but he could almost hear the electrical hum of cameras watching and listening to everything he did. Jesse was in even bigger shit than he realized.





	1. like a trigger

**Author's Note:**

> and here we have the obligatory interrogation room scene 
> 
> _(:3」∠)_

The light felt hot against his skin and the metal digging into his wrists felt even worse. If it wasn’t because his need to be difficult about everything, he most likely would have been let go, but to where? They wouldn’t just let him go home, because he was a dirty stray they picked right off the streets of a gangwar. It was the unspoken rule of these types of interrogations; keep the line slack so these ‘heroes’ would take the bait and give you a way out. It was certainly an unspoken rule, but that didn’t mean it worked for shit. 

How much time had passed since he had been thrown in here? He wasn’t sure, but he could already feel his eyes grow heavy with exhaustion. 

With a harsh creek, the door opened to this room, but he refused to lift his head up. No way in hell were these bastards going to get his eyes on him. If they wanted him to listen than they had better give him some damn good incentive to. Deadlock wasn’t one to kneel and bend for the first boot that pressed against their hands, and he wasn’t a rat.

The voice that followed sounded strangely familiar, though he couldn’t place it until one-sided introductions were made. “Good morning.” 

Damn, it was morning already? And why did he have to sound so chipper about it?

“My name is Jack Morrison. You do understand why you’re here, right?” Silence. “Alright… Look, I just want ask you a few questions, and the easier you make this, the better the report I’ll write about you so you aren’t shipped straight to maximum.”

It was about time someone listened to him and luckily for everyone, he had nothing to say except to finally snap his head up and glare the nearly beaming man down. The Strike Commander-- He couldn’t help but add punching him in his perfect toothy smile as officially on his bucket list. 

Everything, and he did actually mean everything, about him seemed so perfectly fake. From the way he sat straight to give him airs of confidence to the way he sounded as though he was reprimanding a child who had just done something it shouldn’t have. It made him want to vomit.

They had taken down his entire family in one night, spilling blood as easily as if it were milk, and they suddenly had the gall to want him to answer their questions? They couldn’t be that stupid, could they? But really, what else could he stand to expect from Overwatch. In the back of his mind, he could still hear some of the screams, still smell the carnage, could still remember how he stood shaking, screaming, tears dragging their ugly marks down his face as he was dragged away.

He hadn’t noticed that in his own little daydream, the world had continued to turn as it always had. Morrison had kept talking about this and that as though they were having a perfectly normal conversation between old friends. 

“I really don’t want to have to send a kid like you to prison, but you have to understand the situation you’re in.”  _ Oh, he did. _ “But I’m willing to pull some strings, help wave a couple years off your sentence, even testify on your behalf if you just answer some questions. I feel like that’s a fair deal,” His voice betrayed how he actually believed the bullshit he was spouting. 

Smiling, the boy leaned backwards into his chair. “So whatcha gonna do fer me next? Gonna get down on yer knees an’ suck my cock, hm? Hell--” Laughter erupted from his throat. “--maybe y’ll get me to talk, after all!” He could see the horror and then turned anger on Morrison’s face. 

_ Good.  _

He’s been waiting for him to drop his bullshit smiles and charm.

“Listen here, I will not be disrespected.”

“‘S not my fault y’can’t figure out how to talk to someone like they ain’t a kid.”

“You are a kid! Kids shouldn’t talk to authority like this!”

“Kids shouldn’t shoot guns either, but y’don’t see me bitchin’ ‘bout that.”

That was the end of the conversation. Jack let that ugly hatred seep through his collected persona. If he could, he would have taken a picture of it. Instead, he made sure to leave the Strike Commander with one last quip. “Careful, yer pretty face might freeze like that, darlin’,” And then the door behind him was slammed shut.

Silence once more filled the room.

 

* * *

 

 

Time seemed to slow down as he waited for someone to come in and throw him into a car bound for a prison somewhere. The good thing about this sort of alone time is that it gave him a lot of time to think. He’s young sure, seventeen is young for prison, but he also was good at getting people to be on his side-- except for Overwatch’s Golden Boy, but he was under different circumstances. Maybe he’d be able to keep his head low until he filled out some and then start working himself up the chain in the prison. It couldn’t be all that bad, could it?

Who the hell was he kidding… He wouldn’t last a day, let alone his entire life in prison, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to kneel to Overwatch just because they asked nicely. 

He heard the sound of boots hitting concrete and then the door opened. “Back for more, Goldilocks? Maybe we should talk ‘gain ‘bout gettin’ on yer kne--”

“Nice try, but it isn’t him this time.”

Now this person he couldn’t recognize. Built like a truck, dark skinned, with a frown that looked like it belonged on his face. 

“Couldn’t handle me, is that it?” He barked out. “Thought he was Overwatch’s leader an’ he can’t even handle a kid! What kinda operation y’guys runnin’ here?” 

“Jesse McCree.”

The way his name sounded coming from him made him flinch, wrists pulling back some on the restraints and then hissing to himself as his raw skin pressed against the filthy metal. Suddenly, he felt like a deer in headlights.

“Seventeen years old, sharpshooter, and a nice little bounty on your head.” The man seemed so smug to have caught his tongue just by listing off information about him. “Seventeen is a bit young to be swinging around a gun like a toy.”

“I ain’t a kid!” Jesse screamed, composure finally shattering after hours upon hours of being locked in a room with only his thoughts and the occasional sound of heels to keep him company. He didn’t want to be here anymore. Take him to prison for all he cared, he just couldn’t take another second of either silence or people acting as though they knew him. 

“Never said you were…” It was clear this conversation was drawing on this man’s patience. “Okay, look, I’ll get straight to the point. Jack has already given up on you, but I can see a lot of potential beneath that whole cowboy shtick. I want you to nod that you’re paying attention…”

He did as he was told.

“Good. Like I was saying, you’ve got potential so I want to strike a deal with you. Know that when I say ‘deal’, I don’t mean that shitty deal Jack wanted from you; he needs to learn that interrogation isn’t his… strongest skill.” He said it with near poison dripping from his voice. 

“Stop stallin’, I ain’t gettin’ any younger over here.” Honestly, he was tired, hungry, and cranky. He was in no mood to be thrown around by someone like him.

The man burned holes into Jesse with his eyes, a low growl coming from his throat as he made him wait another second before he finally spoke. “You use your talents with a gun to good use with us and I won’t let you go to jail.”

Jesse’s jaw dropped as he tried to rewind what he told him. He knew he shouldn’t, but he had to ask: “An’ if I say no?”

“Then you go to jail, simple as that.”

Eyebrows furrowed together as he thought this over. “Y’know I ain’t Overwatch material, right? Don’t got no hero’s blood in me or nothin’. Also don’t think anyone would take kindly t’an ex-Deadlock member swoopin’ in t'save their sorry asses.” Especially after his treatment of Jack Morrison, he couldn’t imagine the reason anyone from Overwatch would want him in their little boyscout troop. 

The hatred in the man turned to a smirk. “Not Overwatch. Jack would have an aneurysm if you got let into Overwatch. No, I want you to join the black sheep of Overwatch: Blackwatch.” He sounded almost proud to say the name and that only furthered his curiosities, but before he could ask, he was cut off. “Blackwatch is covert operations. We clean up after Overwatch, make sure they look sparkling and new. We aren’t looking for heroes here, we need people who are good at what they do.” He didn't stop. "And I saw you first hand, you have better skills with a gun than people twice your age. I can't let that talent rot in prison."

Jesse grew increasingly annoyed. "What 'bout little Miss Sunshine?"

“Who? Jack?" The nickname drew forth a laugh from him and Jesse would be lying if he said it didn't make him flush some. "Blackwatch is under my command so if you join then he’ll have to go through me to get to you.”

Something tightened in his stomach, forcing him to actually consider this as an option. He was a gang member ( or was… ), not someone that was closer to good than to anything else. He knew he wasn’t a good person, but what other choice did he have? No matter what he wanted to believe about himself, he wouldn't be able to survive in jail for very long. 

The seconds crawled into a minute as he thought it over. Soon, he let out a sigh of defeat, shaking his head ever so slightly. “Y’got yerself a deal. Just don’t let yer other soldiers get upset when I out shoot them.” A fox grin spread his lips thin, pulling against the handcuffs once more as if trying to catch the man’s attention. 

Walking over to him, he clapped him on the back. “Finally you make a good decision! Well, I gotta do some paperwork so just sit tight and don’t wriggle too much.” And then he started walking away, leaving behind the gunslinger as he kicked and screamed profanities in some attempt to be set free from the interrogation room. 

“Get back here, y’bastard!” 

Sliding his keycard through the slot, the door dinged to signal it had unlocked itself. “That’s Commander Reyes to you, **idiota.** ” And then he walked out without another word, laughing to himself as the muffled shouts could still be heard through the walls.

_ This was going to be fun. _


	2. branded like a cow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hospitals, tattoos, and a runaway

He woke up still caged, still tied to the chair, his hands behind his back in silver cuffs. The first thought that came to his exhausted, half-dazed mind was that they had tricked him into agreeing to something that they wouldn’t follow through with. He was a good shot, yes, but he wasn’t a soldier. He would never bend his knee to authority as was going to be expected of him here. 

It would be dumb of them not to have a way to monitor this room and he suddenly had the idea to ask to be let out. He wanted to so badly, but something made him stay his tongue-- stubbornness maybe. Everything hurt; he was sure his nose was broken from the fight that dragged him into this mess, his wrists were cut open from struggling in vain against the metal pressed to them, and he was hungry beyond belief. They couldn’t do this to him, could they? It felt like this was breaking something about ethics.

Jesse sat awake, barely alert as he fought more sleep. He couldn’t let them get the jump on him. 

Without warning, the man from before-- _ Did he say his name was Reyes? _ \-- walked through the door with what could be counted as an almost smile. He bent down as he reached him, taking his chin in his hand as he looked him over, concern clear in his eyes as he took stock of every cut, bruise, blood stain that danced across his body.

“You don’t look too good… Sorry, kiddo, the paperwork is taking longer than I thought it would. Believe it or not, it’s really hard trying to get suits to agree to letting an ex-gang member into Blackwatch.” Something about the way he spoke sounded soft, but Jesse couldn’t quite piece together what was being said.

Even having his head moved some made his world spin. Even before this shit started, Jesse hadn’t had a good meal in a few days and the stress from being captured had only made him worse for wear. He could hardly place a coherent thought, nodding numbly to whatever he said. 

He then heard snapping in his ears, blinking slowly in response, barely having the strength to respond to it. The world felt like it was closing around him and stars danced behind his eyes. 

“...hurts…” His voice came out weak, throat feeling more like sandpaper than anything else.

Jumping up, Reyes pressed his finger against a device on his collar. “----doctor is needed.” The words were muddled, meaning lost as if he was speaking a foreign language. A hand came to his cheek and he could almost make out comforting words and the worried glance of eyes.  _ Almost. _

And then the world went black.

____

Waking up a second time was just as disorienting as the first. However, he could feel he wasn’t tied down anymore as he lifted his hand to rub at his eyes. As sleep was wiped away, he looked around to find himself lying in a clean bed, harsh lights hitting him from every direction, and his body ached more than it ever had in his entire life. 

“You’re awake! Good. After everything that happened to you, I expected you to sleep a little bit longer.” It was a woman and just her voice alone was enough to soothe his frayed nerves. “You’ve probably already guessed, but you’re in the medic bay.”

“Why ‘m I ‘ere?” His accent drawled out thickly, mind too slow to respond to do anything less. Looking around, he found the source of the voice; a girl that couldn’t be much older than him stood nearby, her blonde hair tied up into a high ponytail, and wearing what he assumed was a doctor’s coat. 

She flashed him a worried smile. “Malnutrition, stress, a few broken bones…” Her eyes scanned over the tablet in her hands. “I don’t know what Gabriel was thinking keeping you in there for so long, but he got an earful from me so don’t worry.” Everything about her seemed genuine. Her smile and positivity seemed so real-- unlike Commander Goldilocks. 

He could barely find words to speak, but did his best to make his thoughts known. “How long was I there?” It had felt like an eternity…

“About a day and a half.”

_ A day an’ a half… I lost that much time in there. _

“Jesse… Is it alright I call you by your first name?”

He nodded and she once again smiled for him.

“I’m Angela! I’m going to ask you a few questions, is that okay? It’s just for my reports so I know how and when you got hurt like you did; whether it was Blackwatch or from something previous.” She didn’t wait this time for him to respond. “The most glaring problem is that you were malnourished. When was the last time you had a decent meal? Fruits, veggies, protein…” 

She truly didn’t need his answer, because his hesitation was answer enough. “Maybe… a while ago. Don’t have much money for food or nothin’. Gotta work with what I got.” Which made him a seventeen year old killer who looked like the slightest gust of wind could knock him over.

He watched her tap against the tablet, rubbing his now scabbing wrists and hissing some at the memory of how they hurt. She opened her mouth to ask another question, interest clearly on him, however, her words fell apart.

“Oh, Gabriel! What are you doing here?” Angela exclaimed with a smile brimming across her face.

“Just checking up on our newest recruit. Would you mind giving us a minute?” Nodding, she waved goodbye to Jesse and then busily fluttered somewhere else. 

Gabriel let out a sigh as he grabbed a nearby chair, pulling it closer to his bed and then throwing himself in it. “You had me worried for a second back there. Barely had you for a day and already had to get Angela involved.” His voice was stern, eyeing him, but he could feel true, actual concern coming off of him in waves. 

“Maybe if y’hadn’t left me there when I told ya’ t’let me go…” Jesse said with a sneer.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry about that.” Although, it didn’t seem he entirely was-- or was at all. “But I came for more than a health visit; we need to talk about you and Blackwatch. The paperwork is all done and over with, everything is set, but we just gotta wait till you’re released.”

He arched his eyebrow at that little declaration.  _ Easy as that, an’ now I’m part of Blackwatch. _

“But the news doesn’t stop there. I couldn’t help but notice the tattoo on your back--”  _ Shit, shit, shit.  _ “It’s… big. That ink you got back there, I mean.”

“If yer gonna tell me t’get rid of it then fuck yerself.”

“Look at you! Already catching on fast! Look, the thing is, I don’t care if you had a tattoo that said ‘I love sucking dick’, but yours is Deadlock’s branding and I will  **not** have any of my subordinates advertising a gang.” 

“It’s fuckin’ across my whole back!” 

“Should have thought of that before getting it, huh?”

Remind him to put ‘kicking Gabriel Reyes in the groin’ alongside ‘punching Jack Morrison in the mouth’ on his bucket list, because the way this conversation was turning out, he would soon be face down and having his tattoo removed. Nevertheless, he knew better than to fight the hand that will eventually feed him.

His eyes were vicious as he finally conceded. “Fine, but y’owe me fer this.”

“I saved your sorry ass from prison, I don’t owe you a thing.”

____

_ It’ll build character. _

_ It won’t hurt that much. _

“Remind me ‘gain why we’re using a laser? Ain’t there a better way?” It felt like hot grease dancing across his skin and he had to fight every urge to move away from the pain. 

Tinted goggles were strapped over Gabriel’s eyes as he passed the laser slowly over every inch of Jesse’s tattoo. “Of course there’s a better way! But better also means more expensive, so we’re going old school.” 

If he didn’t know any better ( which he didn’t ), he would say that Gabriel was actually having fun in getting rid of his last bit of visible Deadlock entanglement. Though, he was explained, it would take a few more sessions to get rid of it fully. At least for now it would look more faded and people wouldn’t even think twice of the image of a skull and crossbones tied together by a padlock sprawled across his back. 

Somewhere deep in his mind, he knew that this was for the best-- Deadlock has caused a lot of trouble for both Overwatch and Blackwatch and there wouldn’t be many people ( if at all ) that would take too kindly to one of them joining their ranks. This was for the best… He didn’t even want to be here; better make it a less shitty experience until the day came that he could be gone. 

The sound of the laser stopped and the pain numbed some. “Okay, kiddo, you’re done for now. Just be careful doing anything that could irritate it.” 

Sitting up, Jesse stretched some, but quickly found that to be a bad idea as his back screamed for him to stop moving. “Haven’t y’heard me? I ain’t a kid, practically eighteen already.” He hated being treated like he was inferior. He was a crackshot, he was someone that did bad things for money. He was  **not** a kid. 

“Yeah, but you aren’t. So either grow up or stop complaining.” It was vicious and Jesse found himself glaring in his direction. 

Their “conversation” came to a lull, both men busying themselves with something or another. It wasn’t easy to forget that this was a situation neither of them wanted to be in. Gabriel wanted a soldier, but hated being a babysitter; while Jesse didn’t want to go to jail and didn’t want to be ordered around.

“McCree…”

He expected to be called “kid” or “kiddo” again, and nearly snapped at him before he recoiled as he heard it was his name instead. He nodded his head in acknowledgement. 

“What did you do before Deadlock?”

It came as a surprise for him to hear him so plainly ask something so personal. Everything he had learned from being with Deadlock told him not to trust him-- to not give up information that could be used against him.

“Already tryin’ t’pry my life story from me? Ain’t that reserved at least fer the third date?”

“Shut it. Either answer the question or don’t.”

He didn’t answer right away and he could only assume Gabriel thought it meant that he wouldn’t at all as he got up from where he was sitting and started for the door. His mind screamed to say something, because he didn’t want to be alone in a building that felt so far from home. 

“Bounced ‘round homes!” He said rather quickly.

“Huh?”

“I said-- I bounced ‘round homes. I ran from home when I was young, like young young, an’ when my parents didn’t show, I thought they didn’t want me.” It felt strange talking about it. He’s never told anyone… Hell, he barely wanted to admit it himself. 

“Fer a second back then, I thought I found me a home that cared fer me…” He was talking without stopping for breath, without even noticing that Gabriel had sat back down near him, eyes trained on him as he listened. “They did care fer me. Always told me I was loved an’ shit, y’know. But I sold myself out. Left it all behind ‘cause I didn’t believe anythin’ they told me. Thought that if my own parents didn’t love me than why would strangers?” 

The memories of being alone hurt more than the pitied look he was getting. “Joined up with Deadlock when I could barely feed myself anymore an’ needed the help-- bad. Already had quite the eye fer shootin’, so they took me in without much questionin’.” He began to laugh ( be it at himself or something else, he wasn’t quite sure ). “So that’s my story, I guess.”

They were quiet for what seemed to be an eternity, Jesse suddenly deciding that he shared too much, too fast, but when he started, he could hardly help himself. He’s never shared that part of his past with anyone and letting someone know what he had been through was… nice. It felt almost as if someone had lifted a burden off his shoulders… It felt as though someone finally cared enough to listen to him. 

He watched as Gabriel stood up once more, putting a gentle hand to his back, but acting as though he hadn’t just spilled his guts out in front of him. It was a slap to the face. “I’ll have someone show you to your bunk. Training starts tomorrow morning at 6 sharp. Don’t sleep in or I’ll come and drag your sorry ass from bed myself.” He was cold again and then he left without another word, leaving Jesse to wonder what he had gotten himself into. 

____

A loud alarm sounded through the barracks, rousing people from their sleep as they groaned, but Jesse would never hear it; not on his life. His bunk was empty, the bed made as if he had never went to sleep. No one paid any mind to it, still barely registering that they had someone new in their ranks. Jesse wasn’t there for a morning shower. Jesse wasn’t there for breakfast. Jesse wasn’t there for morning regiment. 

And Gabriel had noticed, and he was fucking mad. 

He searched wherever he could, turning over beds, looking behind anything he could squeeze through, but when he came up with nothing, that was when he started to panic. There were no precautions they had taken to ensure he would stay and that was their first mistake. Their second was thinking that an ex-gang member wouldn’t try to bolt even though he didn’t have any of the things he came in with: his revolver, his hat, his jacket-- it was all still with them. 

He wanted to sound any alarm he could, make it known that one of theirs was missing, but that would mean Jack fucking Morrison would find out and look at him with that knowing look like he knew he had won. Because he had told him, pulled him aside just to yell his ear off, that a Deadlock rat couldn’t be made to heel ( maybe not in those words, but it very well could have been ). No, he was on his own for this and  _ when  _ he got Jesse back, he would put him through hell. 


	3. the demons are there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an emotional confrontation, family, and guns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the really LONG delay in getting this out. been really dead

Air desperately tried to fill his lungs as he crept through the hallways of the Blackwatch building, wearing nothing but the clothes he was brought in with and socks. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could barely remember someone saying that sneaking around in socks is much easier than in shoes. Hell if he knew if that was true or not, but right now, he’d do just about anything if it meant he didn’t have to be here anymore.

Jesse would run from his problems no matter what. He ran from his family twice now and would run from the people attempting to be his third. It would spare everyone the trouble from being disappointed in everything he isn’t. 

It was early in the morning, three in the morning if he had to put a time, and he has yet to see or even hear anyone come down any of the hallways he was half-sprinting down. Good for him. If he was caught running-- super max would be the least of his concerns next to a bullet either in the temple or right between his eyes. 

He hadn’t completely thought this “runaway” thing through, quickly becoming disoriented with his surroundings… and he could swear up and down that he’s past the same doorway three times in the past few minutes. A moment of sudden panic and realization of what he had just signed his life away to turned into crazy thoughts of running which transformed into a fully formed escape. With his mind racing a mile a minute, he hadn’t even stopped to consider that he wasn’t armed nor did he entirely know where he was.

_ He was fucking screwed.  _

Although, he couldn’t help seeing the light at the end of the tunnel as he came across what looked to be an emergency exit. Jesse could only pray to every god he knew as he pressed his hands against it that an alarm wouldn’t sound. Taking a deep breath, he pushed. The door creaked open and silence. No alarm. Nothing sounded. He was fine. 

The chill of the night hit him in full force, but there was little time for him to care about it as he ran. His feet hit the pavement with a hard  _ thuak _ each time he took a step. Freedom from a hell he’d never know at last. He nearly laughed aloud until he reached the edge of the compound, eyes looking around for any place he could go but finding none. 

There wasn’t any place he could go to hide and when he spun on his heels, he found himself face to face with the barrel of a shotgun. 

“Thought we had a deal, kiddo.” It was Gabriel-- eyes blazing with anger and hate.

“Y’can go fuck yer deal. Ain’t no one gonna keep me locked up in here till the day I croak.”

He hadn’t expected for the butt of the gun to be slammed against his shoulder, sending him reeling and falling to the ground with a pained shout. Then a weight and another searing pain passed over him as Gabriel held him on the ground, one of his arms twisted behind his back. 

“Let me go!” Jesse screamed, struggling with every ounce of energy he had, but it still wasn’t enough to stave off the much heavier man. “Y’can’t make me stay!” 

Gabriel let out a growl as his annoyance and rage mounted to a peak. “You’re right, I can’t make you stay, but I can get you sent straight to super max or maybe have you sent to the electric chair. You did kill four of my highly trained operatives not just a few days ago.” He kept his voice leveled and calm, making damn sure that Jesse knew he was not messing around.

It seemed to work too ( or maybe he was simply exhausted ) when the young gunslinger stopped thrashing, letting all his spunk and fight die. “How did y’find me?” He croaked out.

“You thought you were being slick, but there’s such a thing called cameras and they’re around every corner in this building.” 

The teenager breathed out a defeated sigh and he couldn’t help but imagine himself becoming another soldier to them-- becoming a weapon for them to use and use until he eventually died. He would do this without the family he knew from Deadlock, but with their weight always on his shoulders. They died and went to prison and yet, here he sat throwing away this opportunity to make something of himself. 

“Gonna throw me t’the dogs in prison?” Jesse asked, voice so low and quiet that it was almost impossible for Gabriel to understand what he said.

His hate and anger was ebbed away as he finally took stock in this boy he had beneath him. Not even an adult and his life was already set for him; be it prison or Blackwatch. It wasn’t fair for him, but life wasn’t fair for anyone. Even if he didn’t like the kid, that didn’t mean he was heartless to what he was feeling. 

Like an animal trapped in a cage.

Gabe eased up on him, letting him go and standing up so he could let him breathe a little easier ( though he kept a sharp eye on him in case he did anything funny ). “I told you your options: jail or Blackwatch. There isn’t a magical third choice that’s going to pop up. At least in Blackwatch you’ll have good meals, a warm bed, an income for you to spend how you want, and a family that will care about you.”

“Family, huh? Don’t know whatcha talkin’ ‘bout. Yer dogs killed my family and I killed some of yers. No one’s gonna want me.”

There it was. Finally it seemed that the young man had cracked beneath all the pressure placed on him. He hadn’t wanted to admit to himself that they had not only destroyed Deadlock, but everything this kid has ever known. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out how much that would mess a person up, especially someone already so scared as this kid. 

“‘M nothin’ t’y’all. If anythin’ I would say yer lookin’ fer the perfect time t’throw me to a bloodbath. Y’all don’t care what could happen t’me. That ain’t family. Family don’t do that kinda thing.” Gabe let him rant and raze simply because it was easier to let him tucker himself out than anything else. 

Watching the teenager begin to cry as he spoke broke him in a way that he didn’t think was possible anymore. He has seen so many awful and terrible things in his lifetime without so much as flinching, but this is what made his heart cry alongside him-- a boy crying about his lost family and without even saying it, crying out for someone to stop him from drowning. 

For the first time since their paths crossed, he finally saw him for what he was; not a killer or a gang member, but a scared teenager who didn’t have healthy coping skills. Maybe that is why he completely got off of him without saying a word and maybe that’s why he pulled Jesse close to him in an embrace even as he trashed against him. 

Jesse fought against him too little avail, more and more tears staining his face until he finally gave up the fight altogether and instead slumped against him. “I don’t got no family anymore. They’re dead… All dead.” His voice was soft now, raspy and devoid of any emotion but sadness and grief. 

Gabe put one hand in Jesse’s hair, petting him gently, and the other in the middle of his back. It almost felt as if he didn’t hold him tightly enough than his small body would be pulled away from him. He knew nothing he could say at this point could convince him of anything else, but he wanted to try. 

“You know… you remind me a little of myself when I was your age,” He heard Jesse’s sobs quiet some. “A little lost, a bit afraid, with no one playing for my side. It felt like I was all alone in my little world and there was a point where I didn’t want to continue forward. It became all too much for me to handle…”

He hadn’t expected that he was listening, but there Jesse went surprising him. “W-What did y’do?” It was difficult to decipher what he said through his harsh sniffling. 

“I found those that cared for me and let them help me through everything I was feeling. Jesse, I know you thought Deadlock was your family, but they were just using you.” He wanted to be gentle with him, but he knew that gentleness would get them nowhere at this point. 

“I know…” It came as a whisper from the young gunslinger and Gabe’s heart completely shattered for him. “I miss my Ma an’ Pa an’ all my little brothers an’ sisters. I miss every single one of ‘em.”

A second of silence passed between them. “Then let me be your family, Jesse. If no one else in Blackwatch believes in you then let them. I will always have your back and fight in your corner. I don’t want to see you sent to prison, because you have a lot of promise-- not as a soldier, but as a respectable young man. Let me do this for you, please?” 

All he heard in response was a wail as Jesse finally returned the hug, sobbing into his shoulder with a chorus of apologies following. The world seemed to come to a crawl as he hushed him, holding him even closer as he fought the urge to become emotional himself. 

It was then that Gabe let his eyes move to the sky, hoping some sort of God could hear him this once when he asked in helping to protect Jesse. 

“I’ll do it, Jesse. I’ll protect you, because you’re family now.”


	4. one day you'll be fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> singing, a mission, and a whole lot of blood

There was some sick thought in his head that said he wouldn’t last the year here in Blackwatch. There was no possible way he wouldn’t be worked to the bone by their regimes… or maybe someone would kill him because, in the end, he thought he deserved it. Much to his surprise, he blended near seamlessly into their ranks and quickly became a friend to many-- a dumb kid to others.

Those first few weeks were a strange adjustment to Jesse where it was a mix between constant panic, complete refusal on his part, and a healthy mix of fear to tie it all together. Gabriel was quick to quell his worries with their private shooting lessons. It was during those times that he was allowed to shoot with his old revolver, feel the heavy weight in his hand and shoot it like he yearned to. 

Those sessions were always quiet, the both of them deciding that the silence was comforting in some sense. It was always near the end when they became chatty, talking about whatever came to mind. It was easy… at least it was for Jesse. 

It was always welcomed for him after a long day of training that left him near vomiting ( and sometimes past that point ) on an almost daily basis. It was even more welcomed once he started actually training to shoot with the weapons he was going to expected to use. It was a terrible, terrible gun. 

“‘Ey Boss. Don’t think y’gotten the memo, but these guns suck shit.” Jesse still hadn’t lost the mouth he had when he was a kid, and maybe that wasn’t for the best, because all he got in return was a glare from his superior. 

All the complaining in the world didn’t do much to change his mind and if anything, it made him more adamant to force Jesse to use them. With a heavy sigh, he sunk into position, holding the gun how he was taught to. Targets sprang up and Jesse shot, missing the first bullet and hearing a sound of disapproval from Gabriel. He took a deep breath and shot again, striking the target but in a non-lethal area. 

Not good. 

He heard footsteps coming up behind him and then the gun was grabbed from his hands. Then he heard metal clink against his chest, heart stopping in the process. The gun was now pointed at him, the muzzle pressed against him with Gabe staring him down. 

“What are you going to do when the enemy has you pinned and you can’t even shoot straight?” His voice wasn’t angry, but it held a disturbing level of calm. “This is stuff you have to think about or else you’re finished.”

He didn’t have much of an answer. He was terrible at using rifles. He hated how heavy they were, hated how impossible it was to control... Everything about it just frustrated him to no end. He didn’t have an answer for Gabriel other than to look defeated at his shoes. “I’ll try better next time, promise.” 

It was then that his heart ached again for his revolvers. Why couldn’t he shoot with them instead? It wasn’t like he was going to hurt anyone. Hell, he was probably more likely to hurt someone with this gun he was issued. He was a terrible shot with it. 

The silence between them was deafening before, finally, Gabriel spoke up. “Good, because we’re going out on a mission in three days.”

“Wait-- Wait. A mission?!” His eyes lit up at the thought. He had been stuck in this dingy base for months without much time outside. It was really starting to turn him a little stir crazy. 

For the first time all day, Gabriel smiled and Jesse would be lying if he said it didn’t make his heart skip a beat some. “Don’t get your hopes too high, kid. It’s just going to be a really standard, boring mission and I’ll be overseeing you so better show me what you got.” 

It didn’t make it through Jesse’s head; he was still on cloud 9, thinking about finally being able to stretch his legs outside of here. He even grabbed the gun back from Gabe and smiled his usual toothy grin. “Then we better get back to workin’, right?” He watched as the other man rolled his eyes with exasperation, but he wasn’t phased. 

“Fine, fine. Look, first, you’re holding it all wrong.”

~

The flight was the worst part by far. He has never ridden in anything bigger than a shitty, old truck and has NEVER flown in a plane. It was a new experience and one he wished he didn’t have to spend with Gabriel. But he was taking the eighteen year old clawing at his arm and frantically asking about every strange sound or bump like a champ. 

The plane’s wheels touched the ground, skidding to a stop a few seconds later and Jesse jumped up from his seat. “That wasn’t so bad.” He called out to the empty plane as though he hadn’t spent the first fifteen minutes of the flight nearly crying and begging to be let off. 

“Next time, we’re going on separate planes. Actually, now that I think about it, next time, you’re walking.”

All Jesse could do in response was huff in defeat.

It took another hour or two for them to leave the plane, grab all their stuff, and leave the airport. Gabriel was behind the wheel as Jesse groaned at the music selection. “It just ain’t right… Music like this ain’t even good. Can’t believe this is what yer choosin’ t’listen to.”

“Then what would you listen to, oh Master of Music?” 

That was all the incentive he needed he reach over and fiddle with the knob, flicking in between stations till he got to a very specific station that he knew Gabriel would hate: country. The song that played was old… really old, but Jesse knew every word nonetheless and he decided to sing along. 

Somewhere along their little trip, Gabriel had started laughing along to his singing and it only made him want to continue so he could hear more of it. Even if it meant making a complete fool of himself.

More singing and even more bad country songs later, they had finally made it to their watchpoint-- which is to say that all they were going to be doing was watching a fixed area. Jesse thought it was pretty lame for Blackwatch, though he hadn’t said anything about it just yet.

They set up their location and it wasn’t long before Jesse was officially dozing off at the boringness of it all. Something about it all made him think this would be somewhat more entertaining than it was, but here they were, sitting around as they watched and waited. Although Jesse was already bored out of his mind, Gabriel stood watch.

Another hour passed in silence and then another. Then it happened.

A gunshot rang out through the watchpoint, startling Jesse to his sense and Gabriel into action. “Stay here. If anyone comes by, you know what to do.” It was all he got before he watched as his commander walked off, his now raised gun pointed forward as if an enemy was sure to come if he willed it enough. 

Jesse was careful, keeping his gun ahead of him, finger off the trigger until he saw the target like how it was beat into his head. A flash of color passed across his vision and he took aim, letting his eyes focus on the man who was stalking in front of him-- none the wiser to where the young gunslinger was. It couldn’t have been more than twenty feet between them and he had a clear shot. 

His finger came over the trigger and squeezed , the recoil kicking in and knocking him backwards some. It was then that he saw that he had missed by just inches and now the grunt had turned to him and didn’t look happy in the least. He hadn’t noticed throughout that entire time that someone had been slowly sneaking behind and then he felt the cool sting of metal against his back. 

“A little young to be carrying around that toy, aren’t you?” The man behind him asked, a clear sneer in his voice. 

“Can’t go ‘round insultin’ me when yer the one who had t’sneak up on this kid.”

That got him the butt of a gun to the back of his head. He fell to his knees, gun clattering to the ground as he groaned, trying desperately to make the world stop spinning around him. The bastard was laughing at him and then again the sensation of cold steel made him shiver, but this time it was up against his head and he completely froze. 

Everything he had learned up until this point was totally wiped from his mind as he weighed his options. There wasn’t much he would be able to do to stop the man from just blowing his brains out. Even so, there was one thing Jesse was at least sure of: he would make sure they would have to work to kill him. He wouldn’t go down without a fight. 

He turned around so the barrel of his gun was right between his eyes and he glared the man down. “Ah. You still have a little fight left!” The man said with a smile. Jesse would make sure the smile would be wiped from his annoying mouth. 

_ On three. _

_ One. _

_ Two.  _

_ Three. _

Jesse was quick, quicker than the other man could react, shoved the gun away from his face and then surged forward. He got one punch in before he heard a shot and then a warmth bloomed on his side followed by a sting of pain on pain shooting up through him. He didn’t have time to look down, but he knew he had been shot and now he was paying the price. The man was hunched over him, kicking him over and over again as he lay bleeding on the ground. 

He curled in on himself, protecting his head as best he could before any lasting damage could happen to it by the heel of this man’s boots. It was then that he heard footsteps drawing nearer and he could only hope it was Gabriel here to end this. He could only wince when his attacker responded almost happily to the new person who had appeared and, although, he couldn’t see his face, he knew that was the man he had shoot at earlier. 

More kicking as he heard them laugh. He couldn’t quite make out what they were talking about through the sound of blood rushing through his ears and his heavy panting, but he could only assume it wasn’t good. His bullet wound didn’t quite hurt… something more akin to numbness, but he knew it was only because the adrenaline pumping through his veins was keeping him from feeling it. 

Just as he was about to finally cry out from the stress of it all, a blast echoed throughout the watchpoint and the kicking stopped… and the laughing stopped as well. Then there was another one. His body screamed for him not to move, but he didn’t listen and he sat up, looking around to find that both men were lying in a pool of blood, shot cleanly in the head. 

He scrambled to his feet and turned to see Gabriel running towards him. The bullet still lodged in his side hadn’t started hurting just yet so he ran up to him as though the blood staining his clothes wasn’t his. This was the first time he had ever seen panic in Gabriel’s eyes. 

“Hey, are you okay? Aren’t hurt anywhere are you?” He checked him over and it didn’t take long for his hand to rest over the patch of blood that was blooming over him. “Jesse,” He called to him and he was slow to answer, looking up at him with a film covering his eyes. The world was spinning. 

“Got shot, boss.” It was all he could muster saying. He couldn’t quite tell if he was feeling the waves of dizziness because of his gunshot wound or because of the situation as a whole-- probably a mixture of both by now. 

All Gabriel could do was shake his head in disbelief as he lifted his shirt up some to reveal there was no puncture wound, only a deep graze. “Don’t worry. You should be fine, but when he get back to base, better have Angela check over you… Also maybe we should talk about getting you your revolvers back.”

That instantly perked up the woozy cowboy. “Y’think I can? ‘Cause honest on my Gran’s grave that I won’t do anythin’ bad with ‘em. Y’know, I just can’t shoot straight with these things…” He toes his fallen gun from earlier, a goofy smile spreading his lips thin. 

“Also, thanks fer… hmm… savin’ me back there. Don’t think I would have done too well with too many more kicks to the gut.” 

Another shake of his commander’s head. “When we get back, you know what this means.” A groan was his answer. “ You’re going to need more training, because if I wasn’t there then they would have killed you.” Surprisingly, he wasn’t mad, instead, he sounded almost tired in a way. 

He lowered his head submissively, acutely aware of how badly he had messed up on his first mission. “Don’t worry ‘bout it, boss; this won’t happen ‘gain.” 

A hand came to his hair and ruffled it some and Jesse looked up to see Gabriel smiling such a small smile in his direction. It was then that his heart started beating for this man. 


	5. he'll be the death of him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sick days, beds, and kisses

He spent the next few days after the ordeal in his bunk, faking sick in some last attempt to make sure that he didn’t have to face Gabriel, because every time he thought of the man, he thought of the way he smiled and the sound of his laugh and it made him blush completely red. He couldn’t dare face him when he was like this… He would be sure to make a fool of himself. 

Although, karma always had a way of fucking him over. 

He had never used any of his sick or vacation days in the past few years, always deciding, instead, to tough it out until he was near death. His absence must of struck people as strange, because it wasn’t long into his second sick day that the covers were pulled off his body and he was forced to face the cold of the room. 

His eyes barely had time to adjust before he heard the familiar voice of his commander, booming as he always did. “McCree, you don’t look sick. What’s up, kid?” There was a slight hint of annoyance in his voice, but he knew better. He knew that he was simply putting on that little show so it would show he didn’t care as much as he really did. 

Jesse groaned and turned himself over, making a point not to look him in the eyes or else he knew that his cheeks would turn beet red and then he would have to explain himself. “Just leave me ‘lone.”

Gabriel put a hand on his shoulder and moved him so he had finally face him eye-to-eye. It was terrible and suddenly he found himself looking at every inch of his face. Jesse had always found him somewhat attractive, but he tried to just ignore it as best he could, and he did a pretty good job of it… Until now at least. His little crush was now way more than that. It now had taken over every fiber of his being until all he could now think about was the way Gabriel’s lips would feel against his own. 

“You okay there?” He heard his commander ask the question, but didn’t even think to answer it. “Maybe you’re sicker than I thou--!” His words were cut off as Jesse reached forward and grabbed either side of his collar, pulling him forward and smashing their lips together. 

He felt the surprise and then Gabriel pushed him away, confusion easy to read on his face, but there was something else there too-- curiosity. “Alright, I’ll forget about that little stunt and chalk it up to you not feeling well.” He laughed easily as if Jesse hadn’t just kissed him and as if he wasn’t planning on how to get another. 

“I’m feelin’ perfectly ‘right, sir.”

What he got in return was a curious raise of one of Gabriel’s eyebrows.

“If I may… I think you’re one of the hardest workin’ men that I’ve ever met in my entire life, there ain’t no doubt ‘bout that. Yer strong ‘nd kind ‘nd don’t take no shit from anyone.” Jesse wrung his hands together nervously, but stared Gabriel directly in the eyes so the other man would know he wasn’t lying about a single thing he was saying. 

There was a deafening silence which he almost broke himself by laughing all this off, he wasn’t able to. “I don’t think you know the fire you’re playing with,  _ Jesse _ .” The way he said his name intrigued him and made a tingle of electricity run cooly down his spine. 

“Don’t mean to speak outta turn, but I think I know exactly what I’m playin’ with.”

He wanted him so badly. God, how badly he needed to kiss him again and again. 

“Comman--” Now it was his turn to be cut off by the feeling of lips against his. A rumble of a moan left his mouth and he quickly eased himself into the kiss, moving somewhat so he could make space for Gabriel to sit down comfortably. 

They parted for a second, but Jesse secretly wanted it to never end. “It’s Gabriel.” That sent the usually cool and collected cowboy into a fit of embarrassment-- cheeks becoming utterly red. He tried to stop from making a fool of himself by kissing Gabriel again, but he was pushed away ( much to his dislike ). 

“Look, Jesse… I’m your commanding officer and there’s rules against this type of thing. I do like you, as much as you annoy the hell out of me,” That got a laugh from the cowboy. “I want to make this work, but only if you’re okay with this. We can’t let anyone know what’s happening… and as much as I want to promise I’ll always be there if you need me, I can’t.”

Suddenly it became clear to Jesse that he wasn’t ever going to be number one in Gabriel’s mind. There would always be something else on the forefront-- something else that could suddenly call him away for months on end. He wanted him, but he was selfish and he wanted him all to himself. He didn’t want to share him with the rest of the world, because they didn’t deserve him. 

Maybe it would have been easier if he had just let it drop then and there, but he felt as if he was flying at that moment. He couldn’t help himself when, with the same determination as usual, he wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s neck. He could feel his heart beating almost out of his chest as he did this, scared that perhaps now would be the time he would get rejected. 

“If I didn’t think this could work than I wouldn’t have kissed ya.” 

“You never think anything through, idiot.” His words were sharp, and yet, his tone was so soft. 

Jesse couldn’t fight that, because he knew that he was exactly right about it. “So are ya gonna make me go back t’trainin’?” He made sure that his voice held the slightest bit of a purr in it. 

It seemed that Gabriel had already wised himself to the dangerous game Jesse was trying to play with him. “Yup.” He half dragged him from the bed, much to the younger man’s dismay. 

“Ya know, sugar… This ain’t exactly what I had in mind when I asked…” He was already throwing on his clothes for the day, rolling his eyes some as he made sure not to flush in embarrassment knowing that Gabriel was watching him.

“I know.”

Jesse gathered together his things and was already halfway out the door before he stopped because of the other man’s voice. “McCree?”

He turned to see, about to answer before he was pulled forward into another kiss. It came as a surprise, getting no time at all to ease into it before Gabriel pulled them apart once more. “You’re going to be late, McCree.” His voice was filled with mischievousness as he walked passed him, into the hallway.

He stood there in complete shock, still reeling from being given a surprise kiss like that. Gabriel would surely be the death of him if he let him. A quick shake of his head to bring himself back into reality and he was chasing after the other man, a sudden skip to his step that he’s never known to be there. “I’m gettin’!” 

He felt as if he was walking on air... if only that feeling could have lasted a lifetime. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took longer to get out than I meant it to b/c I had to start over a few times ;;;

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to hmu @ either vaquxro (rp blog) or birbbirdy on tumblr!


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